How I went from not being sure if God was real to being a more convicted Christian Part I
“What if God is not real?”, my tipsy friend asked me as I accompanied him back to his house after a small birthday party.
I honestly answered “ Well, If he isn’t real then nothing really spoil (A Nigerian slang for there isn’t really any con). But if He is real, the implications of that are far greater than if He isn’t.
Some of these words are paraphrased but that was the overall outcome of the conversation.
Pascal’s wager: the argument that it is in one’s own best interest to behave as if God exists, since the possibility of eternal punishment in hell outweighs any advantage in believing otherwise -Lexico
In the beginning
Born into a family led by 2 devout Nigerian Pentecostals, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I was heavily active in church. I was the Sunday school baby, the girl that would win prizes in Sunday school. I once memorized the book of 1 John due to encouragement from the teenage pastor of my church. It is 5 chapters!! The hilarious thing is that I was only given the opportunity to recite 2 chapters in front of the congregation, because reciting all the chapters would have taken time apparently. They didn’t think of that when I was subjected to hours of cramming scriptures.
I performed most of the average Nigerian Pentecostal rituals; went for night vigils, participated in morning devotions, tried to pray and read my Bible when I could etc. Some people might have referred to me as a “good girl”.
Through all these, I was not aware that I had doubts within the crypts of my mind. It was in instances like the conversation I mentioned prior that made me recognize that my belief system was surrounded by insecurity. The other major factor that brought my uncertainty to the surface was the state of the Nigerian church. A family member was ever so glad to point to me the fractures in the fabrics of the church. He would highlight the hypocritical nature of the church and posit that nobody truly believed what they professed. A peek into what is referred to as “church politics” is enough to make people disinterested in the church and more often than not, the concept of God altogether.
“Have you heard of the Holy Spirit?”
It was orientation week of university and I was on my way to church with a young man . We had met some days prior and he offered to accompany me to a church as I was looking for one. I was first stunned that he segued into that question from small talk. Who asks that kind of question in a normal conversation? My astonishment gave way to annoyance because after what seemed to me like a pointless conversation, he invited me to Believers Class. I declined because I felt slighted. I was not a new believer in any form. Did he think I was one of those teenagers that went to church but paid no attention? Don’t be surprised reader because of the strange smell your senses are picking up right now. It is nothing but the stench of my self righteousness.
Turns out he was one of the leaders of the church. He would take us through scriptures on Sundays, and it became apparent to me I did not know as much as I thought. I always wondered if we were reading the same Bible as he appeared to have some level of clarity with scriptures I had not come across before. I was no stranger to the Bible yet I felt like an idiot anytime he would explain verses I was familiar with.
“The spirit of the Lord is upon me”
She cried loudly as she mumbled a strange phrase. Another girl was on the floor rolling, she had “fallen under the anointing”. Silence fell on the church except for the lady sobbing greatly as she kept on declaring a certain phrase. Interestingly enough, she wasn’t speaking in English neither was it her local dialect. It is what Christians would refer to as “tongues”. I had heard tongues many times before from Christians, this was different. She kept proclaiming those words, it sounded like a legitimate language to me. Minutes before the preacher had declared he wanted to pray for a certain sect of people and God wanted to touch a few of them.
I was conversant with events like this; falling under the anointing, speaking in tongues, demonic expulsions , you name it. But never had I seen it happen amongst young people, lest when the preacher was a man that did not fit the description of a typical Jesus boy. Also, the women were new students so I was sure they were not faking it. I was astounded ! The lady kept on weeping and had to be taken to the back in order to continue the service. A young man came to the front of the congregation and said “The words she was saying means The Spirit of the Lord is upon me”
That day I signed up for Believer’s class.
“Lord show me your glory”
Started learning the foundations of the faith again from Believer’s class. I realized I was Jon Snow’s twin, I knew nothing. At the same time, a friend of mine received the gifts of speaking in tongues and her life literally transformed. I began to take my walk seriously with God. Came across lots of young, vibrant, passionate believers on twitter that challenged me. I once stumbled upon a YouTube channel of a lady called NiaCerise. There was a video of her preaching about Jesus and she was weeping. “What package of Christianity was she subscribed to? Was I not also a Christian?” I saw others like that. They carried a fire in their hearts. They had encountered Christ and their lives were not the same. I yearned for that. I coveted the gifts of tongues. I wanted a supernatural encounter too like I had read some people did.
I fasted, I prayed, I begged, I cried.
Silence.
So we look into the Acts of the Apostles and elsewhere in the Bible to see how the Spirit of God led them. At times some received guidance through a vision. Others received guidance from an angel who appeared and told them what to do. Such phenomena, however did not happen every day in these people’s lives. They occurred once or twice in a lifetime for most. So these are not the ordinary ways God leads. We get the impression that nearly every day an angel appeared to someone and told them something. That is not so. Too many times while God is trying to bear witness with our Spirit, trying to guide us the way He said He would in His Word, we do not listen because we want something such as a vision or an angel to appear. We have no right to seek a vision. We have no right to ask for an angel. There are no scriptures which say that we should. We do have a right to claim what the Bible promises. If God wants to send an angel, fine. If He wants to give a vision, fine.- Kenneth E. Hagin
All of God’s leadings are supernatural; some, however are not so spectacular.- Kenneth E. Hagin
